Steady On

Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and, carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarassment, we must be ready to change that as well.

~Maya Angelou from Wouldn't Taken Nothing for My Journey Now

Because I am an avid reader, I come across nuggets of wisdom, great quotes, catchy sayings, and humorous anecdotes all the time. And, because I have a memory like a steel trap, I often remember such words--not always to the point that I can recite them verbatim, but I can easily paraphrase those ideas and wonderful words that have spoken to my soul. Like songs that can get wedged into some corner of our minds and play on continuous repeat, these words often find a way of floating through my consciousness, reminding me of some truth to which I should pay attention.

Lately, the quote that introduces this blog has been broadcast in that place of my mind that calls forth the fondness of memory. I find the words chasing after me, telling me that now is the time for change. Major change. Change that I've seen coming but avoided for a long time. It's no secret... I don't like change. A friend of mine once called me "long suffering." He was referring to the fact that I will stay in a situation that is uncomfortable until I simply cannot stand it only because making a change is scarier for me. It's true, I can become very comfortable with "status quo."

I am haunted by the opening line of the quote. "Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead and over which we have traveled." I get hung-up on the word "responsibility." It seems rather forceful, implying an obligation of sorts. I hear echoes of Socrates... "The unexamined life is not worth living." Both are challenges for me even though I'm truly quite introspective. As much as I strive to truly know myself and work at being the best person I can be, I know there are those parts of myself and elements of my life that I would rather not look at twice. And, at the end of the day, I'm hesitant to ask myself the question: "Am I truly happy?" Yet, I am continuing to learn that when we dig into the stuff of our lives, absolutely ALL of it, only then do we honestly grow and become closer to the men and women the Universe calls us to be.

As challenging as Maya Angelou's words are for me, they are a source of comfort as well. As I let the words take root in my heart, I am moved by the depth of compassion and understanding expressed. Angelou urges us to let go of our shame about making mistakes. She encourages us to gather our resolve and to step forward down another path, knowing that in our humanity, we cannot be certain the next path will bring us to our final destination. We need not worry; we may choose again...and again...and still again.

I wish I could be more certain about the path I am choosing on this leg of my journey. I wish I had more answers than questions at this point in my life. Nevertheless, I am making my peace with those things that are unknown to me. I trust that life unfolds as it should. The Universe has its own time and season for everything... Steady On!